[NewClassic]

Puff of Smoke

It would have been a dark and stormy night, but the building was on fire.

Smoke rose from the kitchen, and I knew the fire was growing far too fast for me to stop it. The fire extinguisher in my hand sputtered as white foam lanced from the nozzle, but the fire didn't waver. Slowly, the horror of the situation dawned on me. I moved into the hall, slammed my hand over the fire alarm switch.

Flashing lights and loud noise surrounded the building. My apartment began spilling smoke into the hall, and I ran to the stairwell. To my surprise, people were already jogging down the stairs. I joined their shuffle and got outside of the building. Rain pelted my head and eyes as I jogged out of the building, and I grumbled while smoke billowed from my apartment window. I heard the screaming of sirens, and I slumped against building across the street from my apartment complex. The late-evening cold, the rain, and the realization that I set my apartment on fire began settled in my skin, making me shiver.

Somewhere between minutes and hours, a two firetrucks and an ambulance rolled up to the scene, and began hosing the building down as hatchet-wielding firemen ran into the building. I glanced up at my apartment, and realized that the fire was already out. I struggled to register what time the fire had started, when it had stopped, and what time it was then. My brain communicated two things to me. I had no reason to lay here in the rain. I got up to leave. The second was that I was very very cold. I walked for another five minutes before the strange grogginess faded, and I fished my cell phone from my pocket. My best friend had the easiest number in the world, I dialed it on reflex.

“Hello?” She sounded out of it, probably woke her up.

“G'afternoon, Sarah.”

There was a short silence, she was probably checking her clock. “It's midnight, Marcus, you'd better have three hells of an excuse for calling me this late.”

“My apartment burned down.”

“That's not- Wait, what?”

“Fire. Hot. Burned down living area.”

“Oh my God...” She said softly, as if she had turned her head away from the phone.

Then it dawned on her, “Oh my God! Are you alright!?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” Everything was silent for a minute, the rain drops beat into my hair and shirt. “Hey, Sarah, can I sleep at your place tonight?”

“Oh... Um... Okay.”

I knew where Sarah's apartment was, and hurried I over there. The rain continued to pelt my shoulders and back until I got under an overhang. I put the phone back to my ear, but all I heard was silence. She probably set the phone down. I buzzed her apartment, waited, but got no answer.

I buzzed again. Still no reply.

I put the phone back to my ear and listened. Between the rain and the occasional passing car, it was hard to hear through my phone. After a minute or two, I heard breathing, Sarah had passed out again.

“Damn it, Sarah.”

I hung up, and called back. “Pick up, pick up.” It took two more calls before she did.

“Huh?” Was the bleary response. Then there was a pause, “Hello?”

“Sarah. Get up, and buzz me in.”

“Oh, uh...” I heard rustling, then a short buzz from both ends of the line, and the door clicked. I opened the door, and jogged up to Sarah's room. The door was already ajar, so I stumbled in. Without the slapping of the rain, I heard Sarah's sleep-breathing easily. I poked my head in the doorway and looked for her.

I learned two things at that particular moment.

One: Sarah slept naked.

Two: Sarah has cats.

I took two steps back when something furry brushed my leg, and hardly contained a scream. I looked down to see a dark-furred cat twist itself around my leg. “Oh,” I said, leaning down and whispering, “hello kitty.”

I went to the front of the apartment, closed the door, and flopped on the couch.

I was out within minutes.


“My God, man...” The accent hit me immediately, expensive English. “Do you have no shame?”

“Huh?” I said, my mind wasn't clicking. I knew I must have sounded bleary as hell.

“Bah! You humans are all daft. Up, man, up!” I felt an uncomfortable weight on my chest, the cat must've been standing on me. “We've no time to explore your human morning routine. Forget your coffee, forget your dressing. Get up! If the world would wait for you humans to primp, then the sun would rise at noon. Now stop wasting my time, and yours, and get up!”

“Fine.” I croaked, rolling. I fell off of the couch, bouncing against the carpeted floor before getting up. “I'm up.”

I trudged toward the bathroom, and the cat followed me. “Hurry up, bloke, even though I woke you early, there be not time to waste on anything other than relief.”

“Screw you,” I said, clearly a morning person, “I'm going to brush my teeth.”

“No time, human.” I finished with the toilet, and flushed, “right, now you're done. Let's go.”

“Screw y-” Suddenly, my body stopped listening to my commands. I stood in the bathroom, feet slowly getting colder on the early-morning tile.

“Now that I've your attention, come with me.” He turned to walk, and I followed him. No conscious decision of mine, but my body moved. “Come now, no time to dilly-dally.”

“Holy hell,” suddenly, a lightbulb exploded in light. “You're a talking cat!”

“Ah.” The cat told me, amusement dancing in his voice. “I picked a smart one.”

“How the hell? Who in the... Oh God.”

“I think the human finally gets it.” He said, speeding his stride into a rapid jog. For some inexplicable reason, my body jogged along with him. We sprinted through the apartment building, a cat and a man in nothing but his boxers. I longed for my clothes as we turned into the stairwell, and passed one or two very-early-morning joggers. The cat ignored them, and took me up to the roof. He slowed his stride, and I moved ahead of him for the last flight, and slammed into the door, and crossed the threshold. We were on the roof.

Rain fell on my bare shoulders, and my hair was rapidly getting wet again. Behind us, a small calico cat appeared in the stairwell, and entirely nude Sarah behind it. I could feel a blush rush up to my face when I noticed her, but abruptly died out without my volition. She smiled briefly at me, completely unbothered by this meeting. The Calico cat, a hint of Australian accent coloring her tone, “My, your human looks happy to see her.”

“You know humans,” the black cat said, turned to the blank space over the street. “always in heat.”

“Except it's freakin' cold out here.” I said, shivering. “You two better expl-”

My body began running, the shivering stopped, and my ability to speak was revoked. We got to the lip of the building, and I leaped over the ledge. The cat took the ledge shortly after me, and Sarah and her cat appeared just above him. In the air, I flailed, looked toward the rapidly rising ground, and closed my eyes.

Hell, I didn't want to have my eyes open when I died.