[NewClassic]

Okay, you've got a start, and an idea. For some reason, you strike me as new to writing. I'm going to go ahead and give this piece a full critique, which may seem harsh. My apologies, I just want to do anything I can to improve.

• Roller Coaster: This entire piece jolts, jams, jerks, and rips at the reader. Jerking and whiplash were all I felt after I was done with the piece. It doesn't flow, because the train of thought is erratic.

Let's compare what you wrote to what I'd write, just in terms of flowing.

Originally Posted by xrubbie

As I was walking to school, I felt pretty beautiful, because the wind was blowing through my hair. But, all of a sudden, the wind took a drastic turn, and my hair was blown into a knot in a matter of seconds.
"Gosh~~!"
I took my headphones off my ears, and stopped at a nearby car to fix my hair. But, suddenly, I felt a sharp pain on my back, and the sudden cold surface of the car window on my cheek.
"OW!!" I screeched. I mean, who in the world would push me???!

Originally Posted by NewClassic

The breeze pulled against me as I walked to school. With the wind in my hair, I felt beautiful. I sighed, content, until I felt a sudden gust. I stumbled against the wind, feeling my hair jerk and tangle.
"Oh gosh..." I said aloud, removing my headphones.
I paused at a parked car to fix my hair, and saw a flash of movement behind me. Something jostled my back, and I found myself pressed against the cold, slightly damp window.
"Ow!" I screeched, struggling to image who would push me like that.

The biggest difference between the two is flow. You need to consider the reader when writing. Is this something you can sit down and let your eyes flow across the lines, or does the reader have to sit and force themselves to read? If it can be read aloud easily, you've got a good flow. If you have to pause, stop, or consider how you phrased something, than the flow can be improved.

• Pacing: Writing is a difficult medium because you have to find the very, very fine line between being simple and short, and being long and boring. You lean more toward too-short section. I feel that reading should give you a picture, so you can imagine good surface details, atmosphere, mood, setting. All of it cannot be described in such a short piece, you should really sit on this, flesh it out to be a 1,200 or so word chapter, if even that little.

I'm not sure if I described it right, so let me, again, show you how I'd do it.

Originally Posted by xrubbie

As Jason and I walked to school, Jason started to criticize my hair.
"Its not like its my fault~! My hair's uncontrollable!" I protested.
"Oh yeah~ well let me fix it." And Jason, even though he was a guy himself, started to fix my hair. Being that I felt awkward, I tried to move away, but his strong grip on my arm made me stay.

Originally Posted by NewClassic

He got up, still wincing, but started toward campus. I followed him, absently pulling on my hair in a futile attempt to tame it. He noticed, and immediately tried to hide a snicker.
"Hey," I told him, pulling on a strand in embarrassment, "you know my hair's uncontrollable."
"Uh-huh," he said, clearly not believing me, still holding back a laugh.
"It's not my fault!" I protested, glaring at him.
He reached for me, and I pulled away.
"Hold still," he told me, reaching for my hair again, "let me fix it."
I felt his fingers rove through my hair, slowly pulling out tangles. "Stop touching my hair."
"No," he sang playfully, "I'm fixing your hair, hold still."
I felt awkward, but tried not to move. After just minutes, I pulled away. His fingers caught my arm, and held me still.

Notice how you kinda get a better feel for the characters and the situation. Anyway, that's all I have time for right now, I might update later. G'luck.