The Vent.

[unknown_wanderer]

Why do you keep on looking for excuses? CINDY DOES NOT LIKE YOU. SHE'S JUST VERY OPEN. You have trust issues and you shouldn't be blaming it on him. He isn't doing anything. You're just insecure and paranoid.

If you really "like" him and want him to be faithful and wait for you when you graduate after high school, then STOP IT. Hasn't he done enough to earn your trust? He even volunteered to meet your parents! What type of guy WANTS to meet a girl's parents?!

[caseyb.]

I'm HEATED. It's aggravating yet more shameful to say that my best friend does NOT know me. And for that matter, does not respect me. I call him my best friend and he doesn't know me well-enough to know what I even look for in a friendship?

First of all, I look for loyalty. I wanna have a friend by my side when I need them because I know that's the type of friend I am. It's one of the best qualities a person can have. So when I talk to you, you're not going to be there? You're going to neglect your so-called best friend? When she repeatedly IMs you, calls you, comments you, yada yada.. you're going to ignore her? You can talk to everyone else.. but you can't talk to her? That's low.

Second of all, I look for honesty. You can't be straight up with me? What type of friendship is this? A friendship that is based on lies? That just ain't right. You could call me your best friend, but at least MEAN it for crying out loud.

It hurts my soul to know I made the mistake of trusting a person that I made up in my mind this whole time! I thought you were a real friend.. I trusted someone that faked everything! You purposely drift yourself away from our friendship? That just makes me cry. What type of person would do that?! Even though we're going to different high schools and it isn't likely we'll be best friends for long.. why would you END a friendship?

[snowball11]

What is MY vent? Hmmm....

People who constantly think i'm wrong and they're right.

[ayanelove]

can I be selfish just for today? can I just take ONE day to think about myself?

I don't appreciate being told what to do by people who gossip. people who are fake.

I can honestly hold up my right hand and say that I never gossip and that I'm not fake. I'm not the bragging type but these two things, I WOULD brag about. because I'm TIRED of people who think that I do these things. Just because the rest of my family does it, it doesn't mean that I'm that way too. I HATE assumptions!

I rarely ask my parents for things. and they know it. back when we were fighting for me to visit my friends at Judson....that was the first time I ever stood up to my mom and asked her for something. seriously. she KNOWS it. she even goes and brags about it to her friends. do I need that? I DON'T. she goes and she brags and brags about pointless things. I'm NOT a super robot that can do everything. because of HER, because of the things she's said to people, half the church thinks that I'm some sort of perfect....THING that's available to everyone. seriously, calls come in to our house asking for me. can Christine come and translate this for me into Korean? can Christine come with me to help me with this? can Christine watch my kids? can Christine be perfect and be at my beck and call whenever I need her? can she drop her desires and come fullfill mine? the last few questions they might not say out loud, but it's obvious. it's OBVIOUS! and my mom ENCOURAGES it! it's gotten to the point to where my mom's like my manager. she seriously pencils people in to have me at a certain time. and she doesn't even ask me. I don't even have a say in the matter. I'm forced to cancel my plans with friends to do this.

maybe I am being selfish. but like I said, today I want to BE selfish. because starting tomorrow, I'm going to have to BE the cyborg running around doing everything. starting tomorrow, I have to toss aside my wants. I have to give up what I WANT, MY friends, MY time to fullfill others.

I feel like I'm being forced to be an adult when I don't want to be.

I'm still a girl who wants to have fun with her friends. I'm still a regular Christian, who wants to praise God so badly. I'm still needy. But I'm being denied of it. Can I help but resent my siblings? they get EVERYTHING their spoiled little hearts desire. they constantly ask my parents to get stuff for them. they GET to worship and hear the sermon and their hearts aren't even in it. they don't even know. their faith is still asleep. they constantly have friends over or go to sleepovers.

I ache. I ache a LOT. I want to take this day to be myself. I want to be selfish today. I want to do the things I WANT TO DO. I want to scream and vent and cry. and tomorrow when I wake up, I'll yield. I'll yield to this invisible rope that's pulling me along.

[jOaNnAxD]

I hate listening to sappy songs. Actually, I love listening to sappy songs. And I'm not really making sense right now, but I have nowhere else to put this. I hate how I feel confused about my feelings and how I have no control of them lately. I hate how I joke too much and come off as a bitch sometimes, but I hate apologizing because I'm a stubborn ass who always likes to be right and that is afraid of failure and being wrong. Anyway, I have no idea what I'm even talking about right now and I honestly have nothing to vent about. I'm just really confused about a lot of things. And I hate how I hate this person, but I love that person in the end. It's just so Ten Things I Hate About You: And what I hate the most is, I don't hate you at all. Not one bit, not at all. Or something close to that.

I'm not making sense to anyone else but myself.

[unknown_wanderer]

This HughHefnerIV person. I wish there was a way for me to ban IPs. UUUUUGH.

[jOaNnAxD]

i don't know anymore.
i don't even know why i am crying. but it just seems everytime that i am, i come to blogring to vent. and it's weird, that's like the only reason i come to blogring now. because, rl friends are there. but they don't understand. not like br understands, but it's not like i'm going to post it on myspace for the whole world to see. anyway, i don't know. i'm confused. i'm sad. someone told me to shut up today, and i started crying. i'm fed up with school already. i just want to transfer classes, and if i don't, i really just want to be homeschooled. i don't want to deal with those bitches in gym. i know, conquer my fears, but i rather stay away from them. and i'll never have to see them again. and i DON'T KNOW. i'm so confused. i just wish someone knew how i felt, because i sure as hell don't.

[ayanelove]

^you sound like how I felt when I was a freshman, when I suffered through that horrible rumor...and caused all the insecurities to spring up and trap me to this day......if you ever just need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on, I'm here for you. I really am.

now as for my own vent.

it IS ok for me to feel selfish. it IS possible for me to be selfish and trust at the same time. I just have to figure out how to do it.

I've pushed away so many people I don't even know if they'll forgive/accept me. I'm trying! I've been trying to flatten my stubbornness and pride and selfishness and reach out to the people I gave up on. my church people? I even try to be friends with them now. even when they don't give me a second glance, I try. I bite my tongue and TRY. I'm making an effort here.

at least this vent isn't as explosive as the one as I just had a few hours ago.

[unknown_wanderer]

I had to get a new phone today. Doesn't sound too bad right?

The thing is, now I have to add new numbers because my previous phone didn't have a SIM card.

Big joy.

[heathertroutman]

I'm going to vent about how I havent been here in like 2 years and my old username got deleted!