The Vent.

[unknown_wanderer]

I NEED TO STOP SNEEZING.

I'm running out of tissue!

[jOaNnAxD]

i hate my new years resolution. i said i was going to be happy this year, not cause drama, etc. but i can't help who i am, and i'm an emotional person. i get sad easily. so what? i'm sorry for being who i am. but yesterday, i was so happy. not even like fake happy, which i probably am half the time. i was just genuinely happy because i was with one of my best friends and we were just shopping and reminiscing and all that good stuff. and then today. it was the second day of state-wide testing and after i finished, i just started crying. i was just like, wow, this came so fast. i really don't want to grow up and i really don't want to go on to high school. and i really need a good grade on this test because i would be a failure to my mom if i got the grade i got last year. and there's just so much pressure academically coming from my mom. a 700+ on the shsat and graduating valedictorian. i'm sorry, mom, i'm not a child prodigy. and no one gets that. everyone thinks that I AM the one that wants the grades and I AM the one fighting for every last point on the tests. but honestly, and truthfully, i'm doing it for my mom. i'm doing it so that i'm not a failure in her eyes. and that's just not a good reason as to why i'm doing that. but that's not even why i'm crying. so, yeah, i was shopping yesterday because i was buying stuff for my friend, which i have probably vented about FIVE MILLION times. let's pretend her name is lucy. anyway. so, lucy isn't having a party. so the girl i was shopping with, say her name is tracy. anyway, tracy + lucy = best friends or whatever crap. so tracy wants to throw lucy a birthday party. we buy decorations and whatnot. ANYWAY. whatever, this is all over the place. okay, so we're throwing lucy a birthday party this friday and we're buying decorations, which, personally, i don't want to. it's a waste of money. and we're gonna spend so much on food. but WHATEVER. anyway, so today is lucy's birthday. i come in with BALLOONS which i paid 5 dollars for. and i give them to lucy. and by accident, one of them popped. and behind my back, she was like, oh the balloons are cheap. and i'm like, WHAT THE HELL? last year, lucy didn't get me ANYTHING. and then the weekend of my birthday, she was like, what are you doing? and i'm like, going to the city with my sister. and she INVITES herself and she INVITES tracy along too. and i'm like, sorry, but you two have like never been to the city and my sister is suppposed to be in charge of both of you? and you didn't even get me a fricking birthday gift, lucy. and who the hell are you to call me cheap by going OUT OF MY WAY just to get you balloons? and ON TOP OF THAT, i paid for decorations which NO ONE else wanted to because they thought it was a waste of money. AND i got a a $25 gift card. and i told her i was getting her a pregnancy test and then, i ended up not getting it for her. cause i found out they were like 18 dollars. and she was like, wtf joanna, you're so cheap. and i'm just like, SHUT UP. YOU SCUMBAG. YOU'RE A FRICKING HYPOCRITE AND YOU TELL ME WHO TO BE FRIENDS AND YOU TELL ME ALL THIS BULLCRAP. and it's just like, i really hope that karma bites you in the ass SO BAD that i can't wait for it to happen. you know what. my sister always told me that like the people that made fun of her weight in junior high school are now pregnant at 15 years old and like they amounted to nothing. and it's just like, why can't that happen to lucy? i know i know. i'm a christian, my mom always told me that. i should be the better person and i shouldn't stoop so low. but just why? why do I have to be the better person? why can't it be someone else? and it's like, i just REALLY hope she's not even going to get into brooklyn tech. she probably isn't, and she thinks she's going to get into stuyvesant. but i don't know. and i'm TIRED of ME always being the loyal friend to people who don't even reciprocate it. it's just like, i'm the person you can count on that when you're crying at 3 AM about something, you can ALWAYS call me and i'm going to be there for you. when you run out of the room because you just fought with MY best friend, i'll run after YOU because you're still my friend. and i'm just tired of that. and it's like, this kid i know, he like sees all this. and he's like, wow, you're a good friend. and i'm like, i know, but i never get it back. and that same kid, he had a crush on lucy. and people like that piss me off. he doesn't know crap about lucy and how bitchy she can be and how manipulative and how hypocritical she is. and it's just like, GOSH. STOP. SHE IS A BITCH. i hate guys that don't understand that. and i'm not saying i'm not a hypocrite. hell, i'm probably going to be the biggest hypocrite you'll ever meet, but i ADMIT to that. and i think, on some level, i'm not even really hypocritcal. it's just that, i always choose both sides to a situation, so if i said i like one side better and i do the other side or some crap like that, i don't know. i'm a confusing person. but like, she's like, oh, so and so always invites herself. YOU INVITED YOURSELF TO THE CITY WITH ME. she should HONESTLY, think before she says anything.

AND, i can't even do anything. because i promised myself i wouldn't start drama. at the end of sixth grade, i caused so much drama and i just regretted that. in seventh grade, LUCY caused so much tension at the end. and i'm just like, i'm going to stay away from this year. i'm graduating, getting the hell away from this crappy island and just going to stuyvesant. even though i don't know if i got in yet. but hopefully. ugh.


if you read that. er, thanks? :]

[caught cybering =0]

Man, ... I just.. I just hate school.

phew, glad to get that off my chest.

[jOaNnAxD]

I hate my sister.

The funny thing is, I can't tell anybody the whole truth about her. Like, I think OAO knows most of it. But it's just, I hate my sister so damn much. And it's not even funny what she does to me. It's only worsened over the years and it's not even normal sibling fighting. It's just beyond that and I hate it. I hate that I'm the one that has to deal with her crap every single time she comes home. And I just wish I had someone to tell all of this to. My parents just tell me not to bother her and everything, but they don't realize that it's not ME. It's her, and I'm not even like the little kid that's blaming it on their classmate when the teacher asks who ate all the cookies. Okay, bad comparison. But, it's really not me. And I just hate it. I hate hate hate hate it.

[ayanelove]

not really a vent, but it's something..

I'm beginning to wish more and more that Moody will reject me. just so that I can spite mom and put an end to all her lies about it. she leaves me out of so many things and does all kinds of things just to keep it going. does she ever stop and think about how it might make me feel? I guess I'm not exactly mad at her latest act. but it gets me irritated.

february 20, hurry up. hurry and come.

[Subconscious Nostalgia]

College SUCKS.

[jOaNnAxD]

i got into stuyvesant. not just got into, i got a 663 when the cutoff was 560. i should be fricking elated + celebrating. at school, everyone was just like congrats. and they were all like, if i got into stuyvesant alone, my parents would kiss my feet. and whatnot. i came home yesterday to hear my mom and sister talk about how i'm going to fail at stuyvesant. and hearing my mom about how i have to be home by a certain time or else she'll bring me back to staten island hs. it's amazing how many times she can give that speech. and then going to prep school, i thought i'd just be in the middle range. cause everyone at prep school is amazingly prodigal and whatnot. and it was like, i received the highest score out of everybody in the grade. and it's just like, i know i didn't do AMAZING DAMN. but it's just like, my parents just take everything i do academically for granted. especially my mom. and i'm not being spoiled, trust me, i am damn far from spoiled. all i want is my room redone which would only cost 250 dollars. like i know people, not even white people, no racism intended. they got like items worth 400 dollars just for getting a 501 into staten island tech. and it's like. my english teacher at prep school was like, wow, your parents must be really proud of you. and whatnot. and it's just like, i got fricking nothing. and i really, all i want is my room redone. i would give anything for it. and it's just like, my mom's standards are beyond asian. and it's just like so unfair. and she keeps saying, when your sister got into the bamd program, i just gave her a camera. well, it's just like, we were at a different financial situation back then. so stfu. it's not effing fair, man. i should be excited and happy to go to stuy. but i'm fricking not.

[caught cybering =0]

omg we are always late, never on time
every gathering, my parents are ALWAYS THE LAST TO LEAVE!!! im all dressed up and ready and NO, my parents are all NO THEY DIDNT GET THERE YET, RELAX AND IM ALL WTFCKS?!!? THEY'RE ALL WAITING FOR US!!! STOP GAMBLING!

[singingdeath]

Stupid stupid people that try to be depressed and stuff just for attention or because it is the in thing. I hate it when girls say they're bi if they're not just cause it'll up their ego or something. I hate when people are stupid and are rude to everyone for no reason at all!

I hate a lot of people at my school for being really stupid and annoying. For some reason, around here, kids that are 11th grade and below are so immature and annoying! The freshmen don't grow up! The middle school and elementary kids are ruder than ever! What's happening to these people and why are they acting so rude and mean!!! And somehow they seem to be getting shorter...

I also hate the people who hate on other people because of religion or race or sexuality. I hate how there are polititions are bringing religion into government! There's supposed to be a separation between state and religion!!! why are people ignoring this!!??!?

WHY DID THEY PASS A LAW THAT IS SOLEY BASED OFF RELIGION!?!??(Gay marriage) AND WHY ARE THEY WANTING TO PASS ANOTHER LAW BASED ON RELIGION!?!?!? (Abortion)

I understand people have beliefs. But I don't like it when they try to force them on people who don't believe the same thing!!!

[unknown_wanderer]

I'm not particularly pissed or anything like that. I'm annoyed.

On Super Tuesday, I got SUPER INSURANCE! :] Buuuut, what's the point of getting insurance WHEN THE CAR DOESN'T EVEN START?!