People pleaser?

[Miss Criss]

I've never really considered myself a people pleaser. I've never really cared too much of what people thought of me... right?

I was having a conversation with my boss one day and she accused me of being a people pleaser, and I finally realized.. I am. I don't crave to be loved by everyone nor do I seek people's approval for everything, but I like to do things for people and to see them pleased. I get upset and take it personally when a customer is mad at me at work. I do things I dislike doing to make people smile (like cook for my mom when I despise cooking), or go out of my way to compliment someone's clothing or hair to see them happy. Also, I'm quite the anal perfectionist, and I've realized I only do it for myself half the time. The other half is to essentially prove to people I'm amazing at, well, something in life.

Any of you suffering from trying to please everyone at once?

[NISHA LAMHEAD]

Most of us probably fit into the people pleaser category in some way.

I'm more of a... mediator than anything else, really. When friends fight, I'm usually the one who tries to make everyone happy. Not because I care that much one way or another, as bad as that sounds, but because I just hate it when people are yelling and backstabbing each other just over some stupid disagreement.

I'm the same with my parents, just because I've always been really scared that they would divorce since they just yell all the time. I remember when I was five or six years old, and my mom yelled something at my dad about how she wanted a divorce... and ever since then, I've always been the 'mediator' between them, if that makes any sense at all.

And with other groups of friends, or strangers, it just depends.

[Subconscious Nostalgia]

Recently I've been trying to say no sometimes, because somebody's actually told me that trying to please everyone all the time and never saying no, will ultimately please nobody else, and you especially end up feeling unsatisfied - and even depressed, actually.

You can't please everyone, and, I've been learning to try to tell people that I can't meet their needs rather than letting the stress and tension build up.

[deadgiveaway]

I consider myself a people pleaser. I know that a lot of times, I place other people's needs and desires over my own, which makes me question my own worth. Part of it is that it is very difficult for me to say no, and I don't like having to deal with a guilty conscience if I end up making up some sort of excuse. Another part of it is that I genuinely do like it when others are happy or at least content. It feels good to do things for people. And in a way, I guess that in itself gives me some validation. And maybe there's also some selfishness involved - I like it when people are happy with me, that they like being around me, that they feel like they could count on me (even though I'm not so sure of this myself).

[jOaNnAxD]

I agree with Nisha in that we're all people pleasers some way or another.

I think that I'm not the one to go out of my way just to please someone. Eh, I just tried describing it like ten times, but I can't. I guess if I disappoint someone or " not please them, " I'll consider myself a failure and then that just happens to be my worse fear. And so, if I don't please them, I just feel guily about it. And I suppose I try to please people so I feel better about myself on some level that hey, I helped someone out today by making them feel better.

[Sex Goddess]

I used to be more than a people pleaser. I was a doormat for pretty much my entire life. Since Jon and I hit the one year mark, I think I finally got it in my head that sometimes, you have to put yourself first and speak up about things that are important to you. It's hard sometimes.

As for doing things for other people, well. That's something I'm still working on. I still tend to do favors for other people without being asked twice.

[Vendetta]

I think I am sometimes. I understand you have to "grease the wheels" to get ahead sometimes, so that's exactly what I'll do. I don't bend to or live my life based on what other people think. However, sometimes it's important to please the "right" people, especially in the business world.

So I guess I can be a little bit of both.

[Cityscape]

Originally Posted by Vendetta

I think I am sometimes. I understand you have to "grease the wheels" to get ahead sometimes, so that's exactly what I'll do. I don't bend to or live my life based on what other people think. However, sometimes it's important to please the "right" people, especially in the business world.

So I guess I can be a little bit of both.

Uh, what he said.

[ayanelove]

I've learned. now I DO say no sometimes, and it's helped. but I guess I'll always be a people-pleaser. I always want to see people happy and love to see it. I can't stand it when people are disappointed. I can't stand to see people upset or sad, even if the cause isn't about me. yea, I do things for people, but I've learned that I CAN'T please everyone. as much as I'd like to, I can't. so I just do it to a reasonable extent.

[shmuggy]

Originally Posted by Miss Criss

I like to do things for people and to see them pleased.

i am definitely a people pleaser in that manner. i love putting a smile on people's faces. just knowing that i did something to make their day a little better is just about my favorite feeling in the world.

also, i'm known as the 'mediator' among my friends. whenever they're having problems, they come to me asking what they should do. one my friends actually calls me a hippie sometimes because i'm such an advocate of peace.

however, i do sometimes feel 'walked over' but i just can't say no to people, even if i know i'm really busy and should be taking care of myself instead. i simply can't stand seeing people disaappointed.

so, yup. definitely a people-pleaser.